She's Always in Relationships, He Uses Them as Excuses Not to Date

It's over! You just broke up. Everyone handles this post-relationship period differently. It's a drastic change. All of a sudden you are alone. You have more time to yourself, and your mind is racing with possible future scenarios. Are you going to enjoy this time off or do you need to jump into another one ASAP? One particular red flag guys have with a new girl is her relationship-jumping past. Her history shows she immediately goes into a new one. He's thinking, how can she move on so quickly? Her strong desire to always have a man in her life is a little scary. Especially when she's implying she's ready to jump back in - NOW! Woah, slow down there. Don’t you need some time to get over the ex? No? Well, that’s kind of weird.

More often than not, she has been in only a few very long relationships, and it’s kind of a scary past. For example, she most likely dated her high school sweetheart all four years. Then they broke up during their freshman year of college after they went to different schools. She then probably dated the first guy she ran into at college orientation. It lasted for three years but ended when he cheated on her. So she found a revenge guy and ended up dating him for the next four years. It more than likely didn’t work out once they moved in together. Maybe she rushed marriage, so they had a messy breakup. So now she's creeping all the new guys she meets. They realize she has been immediately jumping from one relationship into the next, and she gives out the "I need a man" vibe almost instantly. Yikes, extreme cases for sure, but these girls are out there. The "always in a relationship girl."

Take a man-break! So many women feel they are failing in life if a man is not in it. Why the hell are you thinking like this? Honestly, half the time having a man in your life actually makes you fail in life more! Guys preoccupy your time, are lazy, and can potentially drag you down in so many ways. You sacrifice so much to be with them, and the more you need one in your life, the chances are you are settling for crap. Constantly having a guy around cannot be healthy. You need to take breaks from the testosterone. At least a month, but judge for yourself. There needs to be grieving from the last relationship, or maybe some celebrating! You haven’t been out with your girlfriends forever because you just watched movies and stayed in with that deadbeat for months! Now go out and make out with some random boy. WOOO HOOO!

Now how does a guy handle the period between girlfriends? His breakup can truly be rough on him. Of course, but it can also be abused. Does it seem many guys say they are coming off a long and painful relationship? Why are they always saying this? Probably because this is a perfect way to not date you!  Some guys use their ex-factor waaaaay too long. They broke up over two years ago and are still using it to avoid any future relationships.

Sure there are cases where he just broke up like a week ago. He’s still fragile and hurt. He realized having a girlfriend kind of sucked, and he doesn’t want to have one anytime soon. Fair, it happens, and yes, he does need a lot of time after a girlfriend almost sucked the life out of him. It is a recharging period. Guys need it to remember they are single and loving life before wanting to settle down with the next one. Don’t take that personally, you should always take a break after someone.

Some guys do take a really long time to get over a girl. Ask yourself, why would you want to date him? If a guy is still a mess over an ex-girlfriend after more than a few months, he is probably not dating material at the moment anyway. He will just cry a lot, and think of her name, not yours, whenever Peter Frampton comes on the radio. 

Oooooo baby I love HER way, every day…

So why do guys abuse this? Well, there is just something so appealing about a guy who has just had his heart broken, isn’t there? He is fragile. He is vulnerable. He has a proven track record of commitment to a relationship and possibly would like one with you. This is almost as hot as the guy that is already taken. Of course, you want him! He has to be a good guy if he has a girlfriend, right? Common misconceptions. A guy knows he can use them to his advantage.

So in your head, you're thinking, he's not interested in jumping back into a relationship now, I can respect that. That just means I can prove to him I am nothing like his ex and he’ll want to date me! Why are you doing this to yourself? If you were that special to him, he would completely forget the ex because you’ve struck him like a lightning bolt. Wasting your time, in the waiting line, beware.

More to come...

His Friend Zone is Much Different Than Hers

Men and women are both placed into what is known as "The Friend Zone" by each other. You have a crush on a person, and they are so nice, funny, smart, etc. Wouldn't it be great if they could end up being with you? This could be the perfect match, and you would do anything to have them in your life. There is just one problem, they are not feeling the same towards you, and you become "just friends" with them.

Guys tend to fall victim to this more often, specifically those overly nice, overly eager guys. He is a friend, no sex. However, girls are thrown into the zone quite frequently as well. Unbeknownst to them, but they are there too, she just cannot easily see when and why this is the case. Once you are in this zone in a person’s mind, good luck getting out, but let’s compare the two situations:

Girl’s friend zone: Pretty easy to tell. I mean, a stranger can tell when a guy is not getting laid because he is in the girl’s friend zone. She is not at all interested in him sexually or intimately, and she makes it perfectly clear to him. He will never get any vibe from her to make a move, and he will never be sleeping over (unless on the couch). She is content with where he stands, but he wants more. She just will not give him that. It’s painful to watch, and sad because this guy, who most likely would treat her better than anyone else, is just not going to get the girl.

Getting out of the friend zone, or not being placed into it in the first place is the goal here. It is possible to break the girl's friend zone, but it is extremely hard. Classic examples of guys breaking the friend zone they've been put in:

Peter Parker (Spiderman gets Mary Jane)
George McFly (Back to the Future)
Wesley, the farm boy (Princess Bride)

So either the guy has to be a revealed superhero like Parker, or punch someone bigger than them like McFly does to Biff, or show your devoted servitude and say "as you wish" all the time like Wesley...

Besides those extremes, the most important resistance to the girl's friend zone is for him to make his intentions obvious. When she looks at him, she should know he doesn’t want to be just her friend. He should be trying to win her over and want her to be his. If she is not interested, then that is it. She just doesn’t see him in that light, and he has to decide to be her friend or just move on.

A guy’s friend zone: Guys place girls in the friend zone as well, but that does not mean he’s not interested in sex. HUGE HUGE HUGE difference between the two zones, and can really screw with a girl’s head since intimacy and sex are very much a part of being in a relationship to them. So he will still be intimate and still keep her around, but he has no intention to be more than just friends or fuck buddies. Very confusing to a girl. Not picking up on his signs will keep getting herself placed here.

For a girl, knowing whether he is serious or just being friendly is a little more difficult to combat. Guys will treat their friends a certain way, and his girlfriend another way. Depends on the guy, but you can tell the difference. He sleeps with her Thursday night, but is busy the rest of the weekend? She's in his friend zone. A girlfriend does not get that kind of treatment. A girlfriend spends the night, then they are together all the next day, and he wants to be with her. Very different.

He's not bringing her around his friends, family, co-workers. In fact, he's not announcing her as his girlfriend at all. This should be an obvious red flag. Why is she only seeing him after 10 PM, or why doesn't anyone know she exists? He's hiding the idea of having a girlfriend and he's keeping her at a distance from his life. She's not picking it up because she's getting the intimacy shades pulled over her eyes with his late-night pillow talk. Maybe he does bring her out, but is he showing her off? Listen to how she is introduced:

This is the girl I'm seeing
This is the girl I'm dating
This is my neighbor
This is my co-worker

ALL = This is my FRIEND!

"This is my girlfriend" should be the phrase uttered. If it's a spin on that, or simply, just her name, there is a good chance she's been friended. "This is the girl I'm seeing" seems to be an acceptable way to introduce her, but it's very vague. He's seeing her, alright, but when asked if exclusive, he's saying differently when she's not around. Picking up on it?

So a guy needs to make his intentions known to avoid her friend zone, and if he still cannot escape it he either accepts his fate or moves on. What is a girl to do? It is much harder for a girl to come out with her intentions because this might scare the guy away. So girls try to play the cool chick, practice patience, and see where it will go. If she is not going to be as vocal, she needs to pick up on his above-mentioned actions to self-diagnose her friend zone status. Then when she has enough ammo, she can confront him and get him to admit his intentions. This will be the moment when she can accept her fate or move on.

So those are the two different ways we are zoned off in the land of friendship. When a girl puts a guy in her friend zone, it tends to be a lot sweeter than when a guy does it. She means well and doesn’t want to hurt him, but just does not want him in that way. He can absolutely hang out with her - but on her terms. Hooters waitresses are great at this since they have to put so many people in the zone.

Now sometimes girls might use a friended guy because she knows he will do anything for her. In these cases, he almost deserves it. She'll spend his money, accept gifts, borrow his car, have him carry her shit, etc. Strippers come to mind. If he's not getting any sex or romantic situations from the girl, he should be keen as to why...

Plus these actions really do not compare to messing with a girl’s head when a guy puts her in his friend zone. If he is pronouncing words of love, and showing intimacy and deep down, he’s not interested, it is seriously hard to decipher from a female point of view! She isn’t understanding what is going on in his brain, and it feels like a relationship to her.

Some guys are actually nice about their friend zones. He really doesn’t want to hurt the girl, or he is not at all attracted to her. He will actually not get physical with her at all, and he zones her almost like a girl would. If a girl gets this treatment and she still persists, then she is just as clueless as the guy who is following around his Hooter’s waitress like a puppy dog. Beware...

More to come...

Compliments... Straight to his Balls

Complimenting a guy. They always say shower a girl with compliments and stroke a man’s... er, ego. That being said, girls need to realize the power of compliments. Girls are really really good at complimenting each other. My dad brought something very important to my attention when I was young. He asked me what is the first thing two girls always say to each other when they meet?

I looooove the way you look tonight
Look at that dress! You are so hot
OMG, I love your hair
You are gorgeous, I’m going to look so bad next to you
Nice ass girl, you are going to kill tonight in those jeans

Haha, or whatever is said, but the point is, this truly is the very first thing uttered to each other… EVERY SINGLE TIME. They may not be sincere compliments or maybe they even secretly hate each other, but still it is how a conversation has to start between girls. It has to. Maybe guys should start it this way too? Yes, a good guy knows to make it the absolute first thing he says to a girl every time as well.

Now complimenting with guys is a little different. Sure, hit us up with compliments right away, they’re nice, but the more a guy hears something, the more it inflates the head. So back off those compliments a little bit. If you tell a guy he always smells good, then you don’t need to repeat it to him, he’ll remember he’s a bad ass.

I remember last month when she told me that I turned her on... man that’s hot.

If you keep telling him he looks so great in those jeans, or he is fucking hilarious, he is going to start pushing you away.

I’m sorry, let me back up. If you are already in a relationship with him then don’t worry, let the compliments fly, but if you’re trying to get him to like you, then you need to stop letting him know he’s hot shit.

So the way a compliment is received is different too. A girl likes hearing compliments because it helps to keep her insecurities in check. She keeps hearing and receiving them, then she starts to believe it herself. It’s good for her, she feels good… but only temporarily. She will need many more where that came from to maintain a healthy confidence.

A guy doesn’t receive them the same way. They are more absorbed by him, and each one increases his power, like a superhero. Each compliment is making him more and more full of himself. Eventually he is too good for her because he can get anybody in his inflated head, and can’t waste his time on her, etc. The compliment goes straight to his balls, and he is just a tool now. Realize this, and spot the ego. No need to add to it, keep those thoughts in your head.

Some guys don't care if there is a lack of compliments. If he's good, he’ll see your feelings through your eyes, and you’re done for, beware. More to come...

You don't have a boyfriend? What did you do?

Why don’t I have a boyfriend?

I cannot find me a good man

Where have all the cowboys gone?

Analyze these statements. It sounds like there is a problem with the attitude to me. This is the first area we need to examine and we will branch out from there. Have you ever uttered statements like those in your life? “Why don’t I have a boyfriend?” I suppose pretty much every single girl has asked why at some point in their lives, but the statement itself is so negative. They are focusing on what they do not have, and this little thought is slowly growing bigger and bigger in their head. Soon, it dominates all thoughts, leads to insecurities, irrational decisions, depression, and desperation. Why are you doing this to yourself? Ever hear of happily single? Be! Then focus on things you DO have.

So the absolute first thing one needs to do is change this attitude. Most of the issues in the rest of this section spawn from the negativity. The rationalizing and lies you tell yourself, the crazy and desperate behavior, the people you surround yourself with, the people you are attracted to, and most importantly, the ones you attract.

You would be surprised how much control you have over what you bring into your life, both positively and negatively. If you dwell on negative qualities and constantly think you attract the same asshole guy, then you will continue to do so! Think about it:

Why do I keep dating guys that cheat on me?

I swear, if I end up with one more drunk, I’m going to freak!

All my friends end up with such sweet guys. I feel I’m stuck with the leftovers.

I keep ending up with these losers that pretend to like me in the beginning, then just fizzle in the end, and I’m right back to where I started.

How can you possibly attract what you want when you are always focusing on what you do not? You are reinforcing these bad situations with your thoughts. The more you hate ending up with cheaters, the more you will be cheated on. The more you think there is no one out there, the more likely that is the case for you. It’s like you almost are pushing away anything positive that might be out there. Thankfully, this requires a simple attitude adjustment, and you’ll find I’ll be pushing to change attitude numerous times throughout this book.

Instead, focus on what you want to attract, and completely eliminate the negative thoughts from your head. Easier said than done, I know, and it is hard when you are constantly getting bombarded by douche bags at the bars, but there is someone in that very same bar that is a winner. Just know you will find him. So how about these statements instead:

I love how I can always run into a great guy when I am out and about.

It feels good to know people cannot stop focusing on my _____ (eyes, butt, outfit, etc), keep it coming!

I love knowing my future man is somewhere in this very city/town/office building!

So now instead of singing Where Have All the Cowboys Gone, you are singing Cowboy, Take Meeeeee Away! That’s the Dixie Chicks if you didn’t get me there. Now that we are aware of the proper attitude to possess, realize changing your thoughts is only one part of the process. Your actions, as they say, speak louder than words. Therefore some focus is in order on those quirky, and sometimes psychotic actions, maybe preventing you from where you want to be. I’m going to give you some insight into man’s mind, and the issues and scenarios we could do without.

The first issue men have is how some women are in the beginning. Girls appear to be cool with everything at first, whether or not they really are is a different story. Are you lying to this new guy and yourself?

Sure I love to camp, I’ve never been before, but I love it

Smoking doesn’t bother me, I don’t mind.

I’ve been to a strip club before, they’re fun! Got any porn? Woo Hoo!

I’m a total dog person

Guys are thinking, wow, really? Okay, you sound like a pretty cool chick. I think I’ll hang out with you. Okay, you got us. Hook, line, and sinker, snagged. The problem is, once girls have us, their true colors start to show down the road, and it becomes difficult.

I’m sweaty in this tent, can you give me your car keys so I can sit in your AC? And I thought there’d be showers!

You need to quit smoking, you are disgusting.

No! You’re not allowed to go to that bachelor party, and stop watching fucking porn!

Well I meant, I love lap dogs, not your big guy, he’s too rough. We should get a chiwawa, don’t you think?

Ugh, a chiwawa? What? Isn’t that what you get when you successfully mate a rat and a cat? No thanks. What the hell just happened? Wasn’t she cool at first? Why do guys feel like they have been lied to? Simple rule here people, if you don’t really think or believe in something, then why did you say it? Something about the first month with each other makes people do the weirdest things. We are not honest with each other, or ourselves. We lie, say things not necessarily true about us, but we will just say it for now, and the truth will come out later. Men are right in there too with this flaw. They are the best that first month, aren’t they? Eventually the truth will come out from both parties, and the situation is about to change.

So when a guy starts seeing the girl for who she really is, they will feel duped, and will handle the situation in one of two ways:

One, a guy’s spirit is broken. They lower their heads, and say “yes dear.” He is done, mission accomplished, she has him in her complete control for the rest of his soon to be shitty life.

Two, guys get pissed, defensive, and usually pretty loud. Guys think the louder they are, the more the point gets across, right? Ultimately, he breaks up with her, or rebels against her rules enough where she breaks up with him. Horrible endings all over the place:

 

All of a sudden, she’s coming over, he is not springing up from the couch any more when she enters, he doesn’t offer opinions about where or what to eat for dinner. The phrase “I don’t know” or “I don't care” is uttered fives times as much, and he starts to fart in front of her. But not in the, I’m relieved I can fart in front of my woman sort of way. More like the, I don’t care if you smell my ass sort of way. He doesn’t tell her where he’s going as much, and it almost feels like he is sabotaging how she feels about him. Well he is, and he does not want any part of this relationship any more. Who is to blame in the situation? Probably him, but there is a reason he turned to this behavior. One, he’s a child deep down, yes, and two, she may have lied to him. Beware...

More to come...

Ladies... Beware of the 25 Year Old Male

A 25 year old male can date an 18 year old, he can date a 35 year old, why would he date YOU?

Allow me to enlighten you on the ideal dating situation for a male. Scratch that, for an asshole, selfish male. Ideally, he would love to have many casual relationships with lots of non-committed females while in his twenties… and thirties if he can pull it off. Hell, into the forties, why not? Minimal effort put forth, yet miraculously amazing results. Picture your average rock star or athlete, like that kind of minimal effort.

Maybe he is a little more adventurous beyond "I’m not moving, suck my dick." Doubtful, but maybe he’s more of a James Bond type than a Bret Michaels type. Then life would include maybe dating --- but not exclusiveness, world travel --- but not settling on one location, good standing with each lovely he meets, but nothing more than friendship and sex. Then, after a good run of it all, maybe when he hits 35-40, or whatever age, he will start to slow down…

Age is one of the most important factors in a relationship. Men and women are traditionally spaced in aged when it comes to relationships for good reason… guys like em young… oooooieee! That also brings up another good point, guys mature way later than girls too, for sure.

Dating someone your own age is extremely common, sure. I mean we’re amongst our own age throughout the formative years, surrounded by the same ages basically until the real world. But once we enter this realm of the real world then anything goes. The dating pool becomes larger, and the guy in his mid 20s seems to have the best situation. His spectrum is wide, lots of options, therefore not too much commitment.

Why is he so appealing? I mean, the 25 year old guy is such a dick. The cockiness, the arrogance, the “I don’t give a fuck attitude.” He is still coming off his sweet college days, and just because he can no longer stumble up to a group of girls, just yell “HEY!” and somehow have a threesome with two of them, there is still plenty of opportunities for him in this new magical world.

The average 25 year old is typically still not set career wise, I know I sure was not. So what is a good way to gauge success? Hmmm, maybe sexual conquests will do. Yes, that will do just fine. That does not mean those who are successful in their careers are any better. The ones with their shit together are in fact, more dangerous! He knows he has his shit together! Maybe he will juggle four women at a time, and blame not spending time with her on a busy career. Sweet.

Now a 25 year old woman rarely wants anything to do with any guy younger than her for good reason, plus, girls start to worry in their mid twenties, especially when all their friends start having weddings, scary… mid twenties aren't as much about finding a mate for a guy.

Ever hear this one? She is dating someone her own age, he never gets serious with her, he never talks marriage, kids, anything past what they are doing this weekend. He's kind of depressed, kind of mopey? Man, get ready… he’s about to dump her for a younger girl. What will cure the ol “I’m about to settle down blues?” A 21 year old, that’s who. Then let the process begin again until he cants no mores.

Wilfrid Sheed said it best: “The American male does not reach maturity until he has exhausted all possibilities.”

Scary stuff, I know. I hope your dads tell you shit like that, because they should. Baldness, beer guts, no money and other obstacles making a man unappealing are examples of needs to settle. But the man with the looks and success to back it will go on until he dies. So beware...

Much more to follow...